ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish i was in the wii world.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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