I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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