whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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