i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
