pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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