I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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