So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
