Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
