Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
