Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He? As in you personified your dick?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
