my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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