the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
