I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
