grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
