I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
