So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
