Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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