i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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