This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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