Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
