Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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