He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
