he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
