This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
