Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
