we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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