Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
