wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
