btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
