Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
