im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
