We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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