mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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