i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
