we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
