bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
