when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
