Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
