Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
