Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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