I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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