I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
