wat bout pragnant strippers??
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
