Buhtt sex?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
