i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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