Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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