Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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