A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
