Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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