You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She's the barista slut.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
