I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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