Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
