just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
