I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
