I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
