He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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