So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
